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It has been such a long and difficult journey to parenthood for Mo and Will. Little Magpie will be here very soon! So many of us in the blogosphere have been hoping with them through each cycle, cautiously celebrating each BFP with them, abiding by them through each heartbreaking loss. Then this pregnancy happened. We checked the blog incessantly whenever there was an ultrasound scheduled, when there was spotting, and now, as we await Magpie's birth. This is truly a time to celebrate!

As I told Mo, once Magpie arrives it's all about the baby. So I'd like to, in these last days of this much wanted, long awaited, miracle pregnancy, to celebrate Mo. I would love it if you would write your congratulations to their family, or maybe the best bit of newborn advice you wish you'd known, or the odd baby gear you found invaluable, or whatever. Please email them to me at dorasblog@gmail.com, and I'll post each one as its own post. Join me in this virtual baby shower to shower Mo with love.

Thursday, October 11, 2012

From Manapan at Manapan's Space

Dear Mo & Will,

Everyone else has given you such incredible advice already. I just want to tell you the things I wish someone had told me, but I'm longwinded!

Little Miss Magpie is going to rock your world in so many incredible ways. And also in some not-so-incredible ways. :) You will most likely not love every little thing involved with being parents. It's okay. In fact, it's completely expected. You still love her and you're still grateful for her even when you're at your wits' end trying to soothe her. (And if she's anywhere near as persistent as her parents are, she's going to be quite the little handful!) You might feel like nothing more than a baby-feeding, butt-wiping zombie at first. But remember that even though she can't even smile at you for weeks, it doesn't mean that she doesn't love you, and remember you, and know who you are, and appreciate everything you do for her. I remember one day when Tatoe was 2 months old, I was doing some dishes while my mom held him. He started wailing and it sounded suspiciously like "maaaaaa maaaaaa". She brought him in to me, and when he saw me he stopped crying. His eyes lit up and he gave me this goofy little grin. It's the stuff magic is made of, and you will have that with your precious little girl soon!

If your labor and birth don't go how you had hoped, it's okay to grieve that. You don't have to pretend that everything is okay just because she's here and she's safe and she's yours forever now. Your feelings still matter too. In that same vein, don't beat yourself up if other things don't go according to plan either. Breastfeeding, for example, can be incredibly difficult. If you find yourself struggling with supply, pumping after feeds and a SNS full of formula during feeds can really help. And if it doesn't? Or if it's driving you crazy? Let it go. That kind of stress will dry up your supply anyway. You live in a first world country, with ample supplies of both appropriate formula and clean water. It is NOT poison, and anyone who would tell you that is bat shit crazy and mean to boot.

Do anything you need to in order to get some sleep. And not just when Magpie is a teensy little squish -- sleep deprivation can go on and on and on. Give yourself permission to get through it any way you can. If she won't sleep anywhere but in your arms, lie down with her. If the other stuff doesn't get done because you're napping with her, that's okay. If someone tells you that you're setting her up for bad sleep hygiene, kick 'em where it counts and go take a nap without Judgy McJudgerson's assvice echoing in your ears.

At first you want nothing more than to hold your long-awaited bundle in your arms while you marvel over every little inch of her. When you want your hands back though, babywearing is a godsend. There are a ton of babywearing options out there, so if you or Magpie decide you don't like one there's a world of other things to try. TheBabyWearer.com has an incredible forum where you can read about your options, ask about what might work for you, and buy used carriers (which are way more snuggly and usually cheaper than new ones). There are several places online that will let you rent a carrier too, so you can try a lot of them before you make any decisions about what will work best for you. And don't let anyone get you down about "crotch danglers" if you have already bought something like the original Baby Bjorn. You're still wearing your baby, which is much nicer for all of you than not!

I am so excited for the day that you two finally get to snuggle Miss Magpie on the outside. She's truly a lucky little girl to be so loved and wanted! I hope she's all you ever dreamed of.

Huge hugs!

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