Dear Mo & Will,
Everyone
else has given you such incredible advice already. I just want to tell
you the things I wish someone had told me, but I'm longwinded!
Little Miss Magpie is going to rock your world in so many incredible
ways. And also in some not-so-incredible ways. :) You will most likely
not love every little thing involved with being parents. It's okay. In
fact, it's completely expected. You still love her and you're still
grateful for her even when you're at your wits' end trying to soothe
her. (And if she's anywhere near as persistent as her parents are, she's
going to be quite the little handful!) You might feel like nothing more
than a baby-feeding, butt-wiping zombie at first. But remember that
even though she can't even smile at you for weeks, it doesn't mean that
she doesn't love you, and remember you, and know who you are, and
appreciate everything you do for her. I remember one day when Tatoe was 2
months old, I was doing some dishes while my mom held him. He started
wailing and it sounded suspiciously like "maaaaaa maaaaaa". She brought
him in to me, and when he saw me he stopped crying. His eyes lit up and
he gave me this goofy little grin. It's the stuff magic is made of, and
you will have that with your precious little girl soon!
If your labor and
birth don't go how you had hoped, it's okay to grieve that. You don't
have to pretend that everything is okay just because she's here and
she's safe and she's yours forever now. Your feelings still matter
too. In that same vein, don't beat yourself up if other things don't go
according to plan either. Breastfeeding, for example, can be incredibly
difficult. If you find yourself struggling with supply, pumping after
feeds and a SNS full of formula during feeds can really help. And if it
doesn't? Or if it's driving you crazy? Let it go. That kind of stress
will dry up your supply anyway. You live in a first world country, with
ample supplies of both appropriate formula and clean water. It is NOT
poison, and anyone who would tell you that is bat shit crazy and mean to
boot.
Do anything you need to in order to get some sleep.
And not just when Magpie is a teensy little squish -- sleep deprivation
can go on and on and on. Give yourself permission to get through it any
way you can. If she won't sleep anywhere but in your arms, lie down with
her. If the other stuff doesn't get done because you're napping with
her, that's okay. If someone tells you that you're setting her up for
bad sleep hygiene, kick 'em where it counts and go take a nap without
Judgy McJudgerson's assvice echoing in your ears.
At first you want nothing more than to hold your
long-awaited bundle in your arms while you marvel over every little inch
of her. When you want your hands back though, babywearing is a godsend.
There are a ton of babywearing options out there, so if you or Magpie
decide you don't like one there's a world of other things to try. TheBabyWearer.com
has an incredible forum where you can read about your options, ask
about what might work for you, and buy used carriers (which are way more
snuggly and usually cheaper than new ones). There are several places
online that will let you rent a carrier too, so you can try a lot of
them before you make any decisions about what will work best for you.
And don't let anyone get you down about "crotch danglers" if you have
already bought something like the original Baby Bjorn. You're still
wearing your baby, which is much nicer for all of you than not!
I am so excited for the day that you two finally get
to snuggle Miss Magpie on the outside. She's truly a lucky little girl
to be so loved and wanted! I hope she's all you ever dreamed of.
Huge hugs!
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