Dear Mo and Will,
You have
been waiting for too long and your journey to baby was difficult and
too filled with heartbreak. But now, Magpie is almost here. I hope and
pray that everything unfolds as you have dreamt of and you get an 'easy'
baby. However she may be, just know this: you may be a lot of things as
a parent, first deliriously happy, then horribly sleep deprived, and
afterwards terribly worried about eating, milestones, whathaveyou, but
you will never, ever be bored again.
I have been following your journey for years. I
haven't commented until recently because, well, I had what you so
ardently desired - I was a parent. And it felt like I would be rubbing
it in. Perhaps I should have told you how much I rooted for you and how I
wished I could have magically made it easier for you. But I am writing
you now, imparting what I have learned the hard way and I wish someone
told me when I was a first time parent.
- Sleep when you can. Seriously. Put down the tablet/computer/phone/remote/book, shut your eyes and just be quiet when you can (i.e. when Magpie sleeps). You will have time to catch up with the world later. The first weeks are hazy, and then when the baby starts being awake more and you discover what kind of sleeper you have, it really gets tough.
- SIDS is real. But so are tummy aches. And reflux. So, if your little one is struggling with those, putting her to sleep on her back might not work. Can you sleep on your back when you have a stomachache? I was so afraid of putting my first child sleep in any other position... And then he proved to be a super crap sleeper. :-) Now, with the second, I sometimes put him to nap on one side. And IT IS FINE. He sleeps. I watch him - I cannot help it. And he fusses a bit when he has to pass some gas and then goes back to sleep.
- One thing my first son taught me about infant sleep is: do whatever it takes to get them to sleep. And try everything at least once to see how the child reacts. Don't bother bying sleep training books - ask on your blog and you shall be rewarded. :-) Really, it is a waste of valuable time to read them when you can get a shorter variant from a friend. And every child is different. Inform yourselves on how much a child should sleep at various ages and try to keep in line with those figures. You can find some useful info here - http://www.troublesometots.com/
- Can you tell what a problem sleep was for us? :-)
- Breastfeeding is NOT natural in the beginning. It is hard, and it freaking hurts. Especially when you keep doing it. But it gets better. It truly does. Unless it can't and then you move on to formula, because you child needs nourishment and that is that. If you do breastfeed, what I found very useful in the beginning, aside the lanolin nipple cream, were the Medela hydrogel pads. Taken out of the fridge, they were cooling and calming and healing. My nipples were forever grateful. Last week, my 13 weeks old munched too much on one breast because of teething, and it started hurting. One hydrogel pad later, I was not cringing anymore. Miracle worker.
- More details about the hows and whys of breastfeeding you can find on Jill's blog, Adventures of Tall Dude and Short Chick. Here is one good post about breastfeeding, among others http://talldudeshortchick.blogspot.de/2010/08/tyler-week-5.html She had her share of trials with breastfeeding but as far as I know, Tyler was still nursing two years later. So there. :-)
- Whatever you do, try to NOT compare Magpie with other children. I know this is a useless piece of information, because you will, and you will wonder and worry and so on, so forth. We have all been there. And did all that ourselves. But when you feel overwhelmed (because a little worry is healthy, it keeps things moving and you informed), remember that children are different and each of them is unique.
- Also, try not to listen to other parents bragging. They LIE a lot. About sleep, milestones, you name it. I do not kow why, but especially the real life parents almost always exaggerate for the better. Our children are considered a reflection of our parenting skills and human quality, or so we feel, so we must look good in the eyes of the others. We constantly forget that adults are different because they come from different types of children. There is the sportive type, the bookworm type, the goofy type, etc. for example, my first son started liking books before he turned two, to my deep frustration, and until then he used them as hammers or stepping stools. But he was able to put the hoover back together while I was riding the instructions on how to do it. I was worried that he was not consistently rolling over at four months and he started walking at nine months, almost skipping the crawling stage. If something is wrong, deep down you will know and your instincts will tell you if you should look for help. The rest is just normal worrying. When you don't know, ASK. The doctor, your mum, your friends. Ask and you shall figure it out. Don't waste time doing it yourself, because you are the best researcher in the world. Don't reinvent the wheel. People are always happy to share their experience (look at THIS long post, huh?!:-)) and you can pick what suits you.
- The days ARE long, but the years, sadly, so very short. Try to enjoy every minute. Take a bazillion pictures and videos, because no matter how much you may say now that you will not forget, you will, the present always takes precedence. And cry when you feel like and laugh when you feel like. We live too much reigning in our feelings, thinking how the others see us.
Wishing
you all the best and eagerly waiting for the safe arrival of Magpie and
the beginning of a new adventure which hopefully you will continue to
share with us.
And thanking Dora for her initiative and work,
Yours,
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